This here is the location where I will be doing ALL my void screaming.
21st July 2025
Yeah, the show was really great, whatever. I’m so sick of people being awful. Like, I’m bending over backwards to accommodate everyone, and these people can’t even meet me—or god forbid, each other—halfway? My parents, friends, just everyone. Sometimes I wish ghosts were real so I could actually off myself just to teach them all a lesson—and stick around to witness it, you know? That part’s important. They’re so dumb. No self-awareness. Honestly, I’m talking about everyone I know: idiots, idiots, idiots. My best friend only ever wants to hang out in the evening. I get home so late because of it, and then my parents get pissed off. I keep my lips sealed. He wants to drink every time we meet up, and I’ve gotta pay £20 for the train ticket, fine, and his ugly, unethically bred dog ruins my jeans... whatever. Accommodate, accommodate, accommodate. God forbid. I’m sick of the insults, like—no, you’re not being a cool, catty gay, you’re just being cruel. And I match energy. Silence? Upset? Fine. I’m not grovelling just so someone can come back and be rude as fuck to me again. Friends—I try to see the good, like “everyone has their place,” you know? Like so-and-so never initiates a hangout, but hey, they bring snacks. But this happy-go-lucky attitude I’m forcing is getting harder to keep up. I’ll say “what day, when, where” and they either get confused or just go silent. God forbid I say I don’t want to do a weekend—suddenly I’m getting flack. My parents? Ugh. Anything that isn’t exactly what they want, exactly when they want it, is treated like some harsh and violent form of defiance. There’s zero room for compromise. I can’t wait until I’m financially stable. And don’t even get me started on when my awful, way-too-old-to-be-acting-like-this, obese brother pisses off my parents—especially my mum—and guess who becomes the punching bag? Me. Honestly, I think that’s the root of the whole thing: I’ve somehow centered myself into being way too many people’s punching bag. God forbid you forgive people or try to treat them how you want to be treated. I swear, I wish the sun would just blow up already.
25th June 2025
Yass, guess who’s going to see Lana Del Rey in London on July 3rd with their bsf (it’s me — the answer is me). LDR isn’t, like, known to be a good performer, let’s be real. She’s even said it herself: “I’m a writer first, a singer second, and a performer third.” (I might be paraphrasing, but whatever.) Anyway, I love Lana Del Rey, trust — I literally have a signed cassette of the alt cover of NFR. But I didn’t really care to get tickets to the stadium tour. I also didn’t fight for Addison Rae tickets because I’d be out of the country when she came to London. HOWEVER she’s opening for Lana Del Rey, so I was like, omg lemme just check Ticketmaster — because how often do you get to see your two faves perform? To my shock, there were actually quite a few tickets available. We decided not to finna be in the pit (please someone get it) because I’m 5ft and would not be able to see, and he’s, like, scared because of Astroworld-type stuff — so it works out. Anyway, now I have to figure out outfits because the aisle seat tickets have, in fact, made me broke, and train tickets are going to make me broker — AND I need to budget at least £15 for that damn poster. Maybe I’ll make a bracelet.
20th June 2025
Alrighttt, back home! Spent wayyy too much money online shopping, but yasss that means I’ve got a few weeks of fun and suspense ahead. Also, I will not be checking my bank statement anytime soon. In other news vacation is officially cancelled. Like, if literally anyone but Trump was in charge, I’d be like, whatever, get me on a flight to Qatar and a cheeky lil ferry ride to Iran. (But he is, so I won’t be doing that — I’d actually like to, y’know, return from Iran.) Anyway, I’m obviously stressed. And while I still stand by the idea that WW3 isn’t happening, a repeat of the Iraq war and the dramatic ending of these mysterious nuclear weapons we’ve apparently been on the edge of creating for, like, ever, does seem possible. But I’ll keep the Iran rants to a minimum for now. Also, ugh—my mum wants me to get a summer job. Like, nooo??? My job is to be fun and bedrot all day, whyyy. I’ve been putting off texting my friend to hang out because I’m so tired I fear I’d rather just throw myself into my new hobby of the week. Oh! Speaking of, I’ve officially decided I’m putting all my newest posts on top, and that’s literally the only idea I’ve had to jazz up this site more, so… that’s cool, I guess.
16th June 2025
Passed my exams, yay! Iran is, um, going crazy, so I won’t be visiting my family there this year like I wanted to — not yay. I feel very deeply that the world does, in fact, revolve around me. Umm, I have no proof, but I will say: last time the family planned a cheeky trip back to the motherland, boom — Trump’s tariffs hit, and we didn’t go. Honestly though, the Persian diaspora is so divided and awful. How are you gonna leave Iran just to become conservative somewhere else? It’s so, so, so damn split. Like hey guys — the U.S. and Israel bombing us isn’t going to magically turn the country into Beverly Hills. It’s going to turn it into rubble. But, as per usual, I’m both completely right and completely ignored. Anyway, sorry y’all — I fear this is going to be a long entry. But like, real talk? People unironically talking about WW3… it’s so whatever. Girl, be fr. It’s not going to happen. I’d put my life on it — either I’m right (which I know I am), or uh-oh, nuclear weapons, and you can’t gloat if we’re all dead. Back to real news though — took me a lil fiddling, but I think I finally got CSS down! It’s super simple right now, but I’m working on it slowly, and I’m glad the site’s less of an eyesore. These aren’t the resources I was like “ughhh gotta make all by myself,” btw dw. I’m considering changing the diary format — idk if it makes sense that the oldest entries are on top? We’ll see. Oh, and now that I’ve jazzed up the site, the purple in the gallery is giving… ugly. So I’ll fix that laterrrr. Also, flying home on the 19th — that’s cool. Trust that Addison Rae’s album will be on repeat. I’ve loved her since Diet Pepsi, though Summer Forever is my fav off the album. So I hope I don’t die flying, that would be mega tragic. Oh! And I hope you like the quote thing on my About Me. I saw a tutorial and thought it was so cool. I love Conference of the Birds, Lana Del Rey, and Julien Baker, so it felt right to add a cheeky quote from each of them while testing it.
11th June 2025
I FIXED IT, Y’ALL. I know, I know—I’m a computer genius. Don’t swoon too hard. It only took me a little over a month to think of just resetting my laptop. Probably would’ve taken you a year... Anyway, last exam tomorrow (technically today, but it’s only five minutes into June 11th right now). After that, I’m PROMISING myself I’ll gorgify this website for real. Lowkey stil struggling to understand CSS though...
6th May 2025
MY LAPTOP DELETED ALL MY STUFF—NAURRR NAUR NAURRRRRRRRR. My user data is still there, but it’s stuck in a temporary profile, so nothing’s immediately visible. Oh lord, I haven’t touched my laptop in so long because I’ve been dreading fixing it. Like, all my apps and saves are gone, and ugh—honestly, the only reason I’ll (eventually) attempt this is because I want to play The Sims so bad. But there are so many files and apps to reinstall, and I just don’t have the motivation.
Currently writing this during a histology tutoring session. If I get asked a question, I’m screwed—but also, this session is the only reason I had the willpower to even open my laptop and log back into Chrome. Figured I might as well update for my loyal fans fr.
So yeah, website’s still basic and ugly, guestbook’s still not done, I’m back at uni, and my flat’s a mess. I’ll give a proper update laterrrr—this is mostly just for myself rn. Wish me luck.
22nd April 2025
Okay I like need to work on the aesthetics of this mega ugly site, but lordddd this week ive got like, in all honestly not that much going on. I'm just lazy and like I'm too poor to commisson someone and obvs I wont use AI because I have morals, but the real look I want, I fear I'd need to make the resources myself. Who is veiwing this site? Im like fully convinced all veiws have been me + one from curlywurly shoutout u diva, I'm choosing to believe its not a misclick fr. Anyway unrelated but obvs i'm back home for Easter break and yk shoutout to my family anytime I get sad that bc yk being at uni you're away from home and all, they remind me that yass thank god im away from these people frrrr. Anyway okay tmrw fr i'll actually make a start on trying to make this site not ugly and look up how to do the guestbook thing.
20th April 2025
Right,so the plan was to like get the barebones stuff done (minus a guestbook cause that seems rly hard) before moving to aesthetics,which I rly thought I would've started yesterday because everything was going fine yk I rly felt like I had a good grasp on the basics, until I try n make my art dump GOOD LORDDDDD i've been struggling with that A LOT. I want all my art in a folder rather then the dashboard bc yk I want a nice clean set up, but the damn image wouldn't load. I think my mistake was like me not capitalising the first letter, praying it works this time lmao, probs should've done that before writing this tbh. Update: IT WORKED OH THANK GOD I WAS ABOUT TO THROW IN THE MF TOWELLLL, but also damn feeling kinda silly.
18th April 2025
Okayyyy teaaa this is my first diary entry!! I've been working on this site and like go me?? I'm like finally applying myself to something?? Wild. Anyway, cant wait to learn how to make this site not ugly, idk what aestetic to go for yet.